So its approximately day 6 in Prague which sounds insane because it feels like i just got here yesterday. To skip the bullshit and just get to what I’m thinking about, I’m pretty unhappy with myself right now.
My mood has been sinking since yesterday which could be due to a lot of reasons (maybe even the weather? its just been raining off and on here). today its pretty low so take what i say with a grain of salt. today i had my first day of class and then after that i went to the supermarket (it was a three hour struggle). And then after that I literally just hung out in my apartment. This hanging out and just lounging or surfing the web in my apartment has been a daily occurrence now and its really bothering me. I just feel so guilty and boring and sad not going out. But to be honest, I’m really tired (esp. as of late) and I’m scared. I’ve never been in a situation where I know absolutely none of the language I’m immersed in. Also being black is definitely a “thing” here. Its not bad but you get looks and sometimes you get ignored which is frustrating when shopping or at a restaurant. All my friends get served and I’m stuck trying to get someone’s attention.
But I don’t feel like either of those things are enough reason for me to not be out exploring.
In the next couple of days I’m going to try and get out more and just shrug off the fear! I think its going to be like jumping off the high dive. I just have to walk off and in a sink or swim situation, i know i’ll swim.
i could write so much more but its like 2am and I have a tour and class tomorrow so I should sleepppppppp. :/
when words fade and things come alive.
When the destructive analysis of day is done, and all that is
truly important becomes whole and sound again.
When man reassembles his fragmentary self and
grows with the calm of a tree.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry